Whatever You Do, Don't Exercise!
by Aaron Potts
You can't turn left, right, go forward, backwards, or even just
stand still these days without someone telling you that you have
to exercise.
Whatever happens, DON'T do it!
People talk about the many benefits of exercise, and indeed,
the list seems very long, and it seems to touch pretty much
every aspect of our lives. Let's examine this:
• Increases Energy: I can't imagine why anyone would want to
increase their energy level. As if the world isn't already too
full of caffeinated coffee and energy drink junkies, now we're
being told to try to get MORE energy from exercise.
Don't do it people! Just try to make it through your long and
boring lives with barely enough pep to get from point A to
point B, and then drag yourself home every night and plop down
on the couch for another brain-draining evening in front of the
TV.
• Lowers Your Risk for Heart Disease: Heart Disease?!? Yeah
right - this sounds like too many doctors weren't making enough
money, so they came up with a general term that would cover
everything from indigestion to breathing hard.
The fact that it kills more people in the United States than
any other disease or condition combined is irrelevant. Your
heart is in great shape! Keep eating potato chips, hamburgers,
and fried shrimp. You'll be just fine.
• Cranks up Your Metabolism: What IS metabolism anyway?
Everyone is talking about it, but I don't see it around
anywhere. If it's so important to have a fast metabolism in
order to burn off bodyfat, wouldn't someone have come up with a
magic pill or special sauce that took care of this issue?
Stay up really late eating ice cream and washing it down with
root beer. While your body turns every one of those calories
into bodyfat, you can catch an infommercial that is sure to be
selling "The Metabolism Master Blaster"!
• Helps You Lose Weight: Oh sure - here is another example of
mass hysteria. If exercise is so good at making people lose
weight, why is it that America is fatter today than it has ever
been, even though there is a gym on every corner?
Seriously, being fat HAS to be healthy, or else everyone
wouldn't be doing it! Go ask the owner of any fast food
restaurant if they think that people are truly concerned about
losing weight.
• Increases Self-Esteem: This must be why anti-depressant drugs
are so rampant in our society today. Half of our teenagers are
on Valium, and the other half have ADD. Marriages are breaking
up left and right over emotional conflicts, and psychologists
get paid big dollars to assure people that they are "OK".
Besides, overweight people must already have great self-esteem,
because they are able to hide in their homes dying of bad health
instead of feeling the need to go "be healthy" with the rest of
the world.
So, in conclusion, I think we have demonstrated that there is a
perfectly acceptable way to use logic to convince ourselves that
we don't need to exercise. Let the members of the Health and
Fitness industry keep selling their wares, putting together new
products and facilities, and generally wasting their lives away.
The rest of us are smart and we will boycott this thing called "Exercise". As our stomachs grow larger, our backsides get
bigger, and our clothes get smaller, we can take solace in the
fact that we didn't get swept up by that whole "Health Craze"!
Hey - pass the chocolate cake covered in caramel and whip
cream! I want a third piece of that while my french fries
deep-fry for another five minutes and I catch the end of some
completely unrealistic reality show!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Aaron Potts is the owner of
http://www.fitnessdestinations.com, the author of
http://www.fitnessdestinations.com/dc.html and offers Free
Daily Fitness Tip Podcasts
http://www.fitnessdestinations.com/fitnesstips.html.
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