Need the Perfect Gift for a Hard-to-Please Teen? Try a Black Belt
Copyright © 2005 Mark Kennedy
Harmonious Warrior
http://www.harmoniouswarrior.com
Oh, I know you can't give someone a black belt, any more than you
can give them a high school diploma or a college degree. But you
can give them a nudge in the right direction  along with the
financial resources to make the journey. And the martial arts
journey is a secret dream of a surprising number of teens and
preteens. So if you're looking for the perfect gift for a hard-
to-please teen or 'tween'; if you want something they'll like
which will also help them (and maybe you!) through a tough stage
of their life, give them a martial arts membership!
It doesn't need to be extravagant, such as paying a whole year's
dues. Three months, one month, or even one or two introductory
lessons will do. After all, the quest for a black belt will take
a few years, and can only be sustained through the internal
motivation of the individual. No external motivation is going to
last. But if the way is mapped out, if they are gently bumped
into taking the first step, and if the destination is made
tangible, they are more likely to begin. The complex chore of
finding a school, talking to the adults there, breaking the news
to parents or friends, and then getting the money together, can
make it too overwhelming a task to attempt. If all this
groundwork is done for them, though, a teen is much more likely
at least to give it a try.
And there are solid reasons that go far deeper than the clichéd
list we've all heard: discipline, self-defense, higher self-
esteem, etc. Yes, with a good school and instructor, these can be
true. But why? How? Here are seven can't-miss benefits of the
martial arts.
Can't-Miss Benefit #1: A Healthy Alternative To Electronics
Martial arts practice is a fun, healthy, natural hobby. It makes
a good alternative to kids living inside a video game, computer,
television screen or cell phone. The martial arts get kids up,
moving, and noticing the world around them (actually a
requirement, since awareness is 90% of self-defense). I won't
trot out the statistics and details about child and adolescent
illnesses, as in the areas of obesity, diabetes, ADD/ADHD, etc.
You've heard them. But whatever concerns you may have for a
teen's health-or their future health given present habits-
practicing the martial arts is a good antidote. Martial arts
practice  (even home practice): helps to even out moods,
especially important for teens who feel emotional highs and lows
so passionately, and whose hormones are often raging (MA also
produces endorphins); speeds up metabolism, which burns excess
calories; acts as a natural anti-drug/alcohol agent (it's
impossible to advance much in the arts when doing drugs or
drinking); builds flexibility, endurance, and strength; increases
red blood cell production; and lowers blood pressure. And this is
only the tip of the iceberg.
Can't-Miss Benefit #2: Increased Respect For Self And Others
Many kids, for a plethora of reasons, don't believe they are
entitled to be respected and appreciated just for who they are-
for being themselves. Almost all kids have been teased by peers
at some point about a 'flaw', which turns into self-consciousness
and can grow out of all proportion in the kid's own mind. This
lack of self-respect and self-appreciation if left unchecked over
time can manifest as either anger, or feelings of insufficiency.
Through good martial arts instruction in a positive atmosphere,
teens learn that they are neither more nor less 'flawed' than
anyone else. This healthy sense of self, that to be normal is not
to be perfect, is an important element in the development and
maturation of teens and preteens.
Can't-Miss Benefit #3: Learning To Earn Their Way
There is a dangerous trend underway in many kids' basic outlook
on life: that they are entitled to something for little or
nothing. This attitude may be caused either by things coming to
them too easily, or by things being too difficult. Perhaps they
may feel like failures in one or more areas of their young lives:
school, socially, sports, dating, or maybe embarrassment over
some family or home situation (e.g., not as rich as the 'rich'
 kids; not as poor as the 'cool' kids). Over time, I've become
convinced that the more kids find themselves feeling on the outs
from success, the more shortcuts will seem acceptable, even
normal; and then the more easily they will give up on earning
their way. I believe that as these teens work toward and earn
martial arts achievements, they learn they can be successful the
old fashioned way. They don't need shortcuts. They are capable.
They learn to earn their way, and this instills confidence and
pride of achievement.
Can't-Miss Benefit # 4: A Rite Of Passage
Many indigenous cultures have rituals established whereby young
people can prove they have earned the right to be seen as adults.
Our 'advanced' society has a gap here, especially for those teens
extremely at risk of not transitioning into mainstream society.
That is, those with little hope of on-time high school
graduation, no vocational apprenticeship or schooling awaiting
them, or little chance of or desire for college entrance, also
have little hope of proving their worth to peers and adults. That
is, they have no access to a culturally approved rite of passage
into adulthood. This creates a vacuum during a very critical
time/stage of life. Unfortunately, those who can find no
traditional, socially-acceptable way to make this passage, may
turn to such things as tagging/party crews or even gangs (with
their initiation ceremonies), girls to pregnancy (proof of
womanhood), boys to impregnating someone (proof of manhood), and
either gender to 'anti-approval' (vandalism, wreaking havoc in
classes or at home, body piercings/ tattoos/bizarre hair and
clothing styles). Earning their way up the belt ranking system-
ideally all the way to black belt-offers a powerful rite-of-
passage alternative for our teens and tweens.
Can't-Miss Benefit #5: Team Work And Etiquette
Many kids have had to scrabble for respect from peers, have been
teased as mentioned earlier, have had to compromise their true
feelings in order to fit in, or have struggled and perhaps been
made to feel inadequate in school. Any one of these situations
can cause them by the preteen/teen years to have adopted an 'each
one for himself/herself, and  forget the rest' survival mentality.
Martial arts instruction and practice generally requires either a
whole-class or two-person team format. In both cases, each
student necessarily takes responsibility for the well-being of
classmates and partners. To do less when practicing potentially
dangerous techniques, would put others-who have become their
friends-at risk. Wholesome martial arts instruction naturally
counteracts any me-first attitude.
Can't-Miss Benefit #6: Increased Safety In A Dangerous World
While there is obviously nothing that can guarantee that our kids
will always be safe and protected, the one who is better prepared
will better respond to a sudden, dangerous situation, or even
better handle a verbal assault or provocation. Stories abound of
teenagers, many of them girls, who have fought off grown men
attempting to attack them or family members. Again, this is not
guaranteed to happen, but it is much more likely for those who
have trained and prepared, mentally and physically.
Sure-fire Benefit #7: Personal Empowerment
The martial arts paradox is that those who know how to fight
rarely need to do so. Learning to defend oneself takes away the
need to 'prove' ones toughness on the street, in the classroom,
or at home. Learning martial arts is a counterweight to violence.
In my almost 20 years of working with kids full time, I've found
that bullies are often past victims of bullying; abusers are past
victims of abuse; etc. So, we can promote the health of the kid
who becomes a martial artist, as well as making them a beacon of
anti-violence for their peers. In a sense, the presence of
someone who refuses to become either bully or bullied, is a
powerful force for their friends, acquaintances, siblings and
classmates.
A Personal Note From My Wife: How To Find The Right
School/Instructor
This topic really deserves a separate article, but my wife, an
early-childhood specialist concerned for all children and
parents, gently hinted that it would be less than helpful to
leave you without some guidelines on how to choose a martial arts
program. I have studied four Asian arts seriously over a dozen
years in probably 8-10 settings, and have seen the best and the
worst of schools and instructors. Here is how I would distill
that experience and advise you to begin.
1. How do you feel when you walk out the door of the studio
for the first time-not what do you think, but how do you
feel? Is it the right one or not?
2. Is the would-be instructor for your teen a good fit? Or is
he/she too demanding? Too sloppy? Too macho? Too competitive?
Too young/old?
3. Are the promises they make realistic, or are they trying too
hard to sell you? And how long have they been there? You
don't want a place that closes its doors as your teen is
halfway to black belt.
4. Is there a good balance between teaching self-defense (will
it work?) and having fun?
5. Will it promote health if your teen continues for years, even
decades, or will it wear down joints-is it too youth-oriented,
too dependent on external strength/size, or is it an art that
can be practiced by anyone for a lifetime?
A kid's thrill at having a chance at a life-long dream-earning a
black belt-may be the solution to your gift-giving dilemma, and
your gift may have far-reaching benefits for someone you care
about. I hope that if you've been wrestling with what to give a
hard-to-please teen or tween, this article may help you to nudge
them toward beginning a lifelong journey to better health, self-
awareness and understanding, compassion and confidence.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark Kennedy, M.Ed., twice teacher of the year, is a
nationally certified black belt instructor, author of
two books, and Founder of Kempo Kung Fu. For questions
visit http://www.harmoniouswarrior.com or contact mark@harmoniouswarrior.com
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